Avoidant breadcrumbing reddit. Last week of Dec I called him out on breadcrumbing me.

Avoidant breadcrumbing reddit The anxious avoidant trap is basically an addiction for the anxious person and it's hard to quit any addiction cold turkey. He had a lot of ways of keeping his distance. Ex No Contact is a breakup support group focused on self-reliance and general healing. But he remained calm… This is classic avoidant behaviour apparently. Some avoidant behaviours seem like breadcrumbing but are an avoidant not feeling safe. It’s terrible but they are hurting too. The avoidant nicht say they’re not trying to get back together but then act in a way that is more than friendly. and again. I'm 25, he's 27 for context, and I was his first serious girlfriend. If I felt like that with someone, I'd just start a general conversation about communication frequency and style, along the lines of: My ex and me had different communication styles and What do you think of asking for time to discuss things with him? Can you imagine yourself asking him "I'm really interested in you, are you avoidant but isn't ready to commit but you can see yourself do it in the future (preferably with a timeline, for example 3 months) or are you not sure about me (breadcrumbing me)?". It’s called breadcrumbing and I’d suggest finding something healthier if you are also avoidant. This gives avoidant individuals control while giving the partner just enough to keep them holding on. If someone is being avoidant and breadcrumbing yeah, grow a backbone. I have a hard time understanding that mentality. Nov 2, 2023 · Breadcrumbing is a term commonly used in the context of modern dating and relationships. I am so sorry, dear! I’m FA and just a short history is I broke up with my ex April 2019. at relationships I would rather not have relationships than have one with an avoidant. On a side note, I feel like this is common in relationships where someone with an preoccupied-anxious attachment style is with someone with an dismissive-avoidant attachment style. Last week of Dec I called him out on breadcrumbing me. , I’m thinking your ex gives you just enough to keep you hanging / guessing in case they change their mind? Trust me, I’m sure you meant a lot to her. ). If he’s not responding, he doesn’t like you. Although blindsided hurts more intensely in the moment the long slow process of breadcrumbing/slow fade causes so much self doubt, concern and seething anger. It doesn't matter if it's a guy or a girl in most cases their behaviors are similar. An avoidant can move on internally before even showing or saying anything which just doesn’t compute for me or most ‘non-avoidants’. You trying to analyse and assess and them just being avoidant, and going from messed up romance to the other because they don't learn. When she dumped me I tried reaching out a lot. It refers to a behavior in which one person sends intermittent and often vague messages to keep another person interested or engaged, without any intention of fully committing or entering into a relationship. He was breadcrumbing me through a mutual friend, and I unblocked him eventually. I think that the term fits this kind of behavior very well though. 4. Instead it describes the behavior of someone who shows you… With an avoidant all that predictable progression does not count. I hadn’t fully picked up on it first round but after another 6 mo. How to talk to someone about what you perceive as breadcrumbing? I feel a secure person would perhaps just let them be and move on without even discussing it if someone's behaviour is not okay with them, but on the other hand it feels wrong not to give them an opportunity to explain themselves, especially if they ask - in my case this person (FA?) asked why I (AP) ended the conversation here I've made a massive amount of progress in moving towards secure attachment but I'm still vulnerable to breadcrumbing. The person, called the breadcrumber, communicates in ways that makes you think they’re romantically interested in you. He will pull back heavily and self soothe by ghosting. [ r/mistyfront ] Breaking No Contact: How to respond to breadcrumbs from the Dumper if at all (/r/ExNoContact) If you follow any of the above links, respect the rules of reddit and don't vote or comment. i even asked if he wanted to do completely no contact or low contact. They may still have feelings for you but feel that they need to protect themselves. To an anxious personality 30 days feels like 60 days. For those who do not have an avoidant attachment style looking for answers, there is a wealth of information for you available by keyword searching "FAQ. 4M subscribers in the dating_advice community. Breadcrumbing means only giving someone enough to keep them interested but not enough for an actual relationship. If not this is the things you have to accept (until they discard. One particular topic in mind is 'breadcrumbing. High interest in the beginning followed by a sharp change in energy followed by a toxic cycle of confusing highs and lows. . Relieved but mostly I just don't think about people. ' If you don't know what breadcrumbing are It's something your ex will send you to test the waters, to see if you're interested, if you'll still bite to their advances, maybe for their ego, low self-esteem, attention, validation, narcissism, maybe they genuinely miss you. Go meet your own tribe and stay clear of avoidant exes, who friendzone you with their breadcrumbing nonsense. She definitely fits the mold of a fearful avoidant. Dec 13, 2024 · Avoidant Ex Breadcrumbing — The Avoidant’s Favorite Hobby After the dramatic exit, you’d think they’d be content enjoying their newfound freedom. 5 months, I was madly in love with her, but she was acting weird, canceling dates over and over and last minute too. Before I knew what an avoidant was I would describe the relationship as one sided, neglectful, emotionally unavailable, bad communication, lack of intimacy, user/slightly narcissistic, walking on egg shells to avoid conflict, just a really difficult relationship. The only way I've stopped seeing a breadcrumbing avoidant like this was when I realized: this man (deliberately or not deliberately, doesnt matter) is causing damage to me, my health, my sanity. I read Reddit to just ground myself and stop the gaslighting over and over again. So FA is a fearful avoidant and an AA is an anxious avoidant. Reply reply More replies GefTheRabidMongoose Avoidant ex reached out after one month When he broke up with me, he said "this is the last message that I'm going to send you". This is almost exactly my story. Breadcrumbing and acting like the boyfriend you always wished you had. After she broke up with me through text in January, we met for a closure talk which went fine. You will have a chance to get your power back. It was a bad decision. Please respect our space In my experience, whenever an avoidant has reached back out to me, it's usually 4 months+ no contact and I'm already in a better relationship. and againYou were not moving into a serious relationship, you were moving towards the toxic dynamic of the anxious/avoidant-trap. It seems like a lose/lose. With a narc, this is called devaluation. ) Secure leaning towards avoidant here. I cut contact with my avoidant, then they breadcrumbed me for months and months after, tried to reconcile but was still avoidant and treating me like shi** so they decided to change their bad habits and go into therapy to "fix themselves". I don't think I was breadcrumbing (and I wasn't flirting), I just think they had the expectation that the relationship would be the same as when we were together. I don’t know if I explained it very well and it’s of course only my experience with what I would call breadcrumbing. So I would mostly feel nothing. After a bit of good back and forth, I went NC (fyi, worked SO much on myself and nailed it! #proud) and within 30 days she started breadcrumbing. I’m glad you and your friends don’t breadcrumb. Yep sounds like my relationship. Certainly you can use breadcrumbing as a manipulation tactic, but I think far more often than not people are just following the ebbs and flows of their emotions or personal schedule or energy level or whatnot, without even being aware that they are doing so and coming off as inconsistent to the other person. I think avoidant 'people' go about it the same way. Back at the start of this year I (37m) broke up with my gf(28f) after 3. I was pretty secure and had done a lot of work before we started dating and had felt pretty good about things, but since our conversation last month when this took place I’ve been falling back on some of my previous anxious The only anxious trait you're referring to here is the idolizing of the relationship. It’s only possible if an avoidant is becoming aware of their destructive pattern l, seek therapy and working hard on their attachment issues. And they are for a bit while the avoidant Some people like to stay friends after a break up-- doesn't mean they're breadcrumbing you maliciously. But that is the whole deal: the other side is by definition not your responsibility. Screw him and understanding the shitty things he does. “Regretted” it for practically a year and some change. I responded but I left him on read after a pathetic few word exchange. You do deserve better. I got tired of the anxiety caused by my beliefs around the inconsistency and what I imagine would be considered breadcrumbing (even though I’m not a huge fan of that term) and stopped following and talking to him on social media Aug 2020. Trauma from an ex. Hmmm are you sure she’s avoidant? She seems to be exhibiting a mix of avoidant and anxious. It is the easiest way to build a brick wall between what you have built. I think avoidant attachment hurts others so badly because it feels like we’re not loved, disrespected, or unvalued. the aftermath of the breakup was MUCH MUCH MUCH worse than the entire relationship itself. After 2 1/2 months of breadcrumbs to meetup for a talk and 1 1/2 weeks of NC, he sent me a song, Shameless by Weeknd to be specific. What I find is confusing is anxious people post repeatedly wishing to get an apology, closure, asking if avoidants have any remorse, etc, but then when an avoidant says they’ve apologized, people tell them it was wrong. Ex recently told me he doesn’t know if it’s going to work out with his new person. You can’t plan a future with an avoidant cuz they will discard you, leaving you in the worst pain imaginable, trust me. Ideal to have both solo and couples therapy/coaching. All the other traits are avoidant traits, and the hot and cold demeanor is indicative of FA. No one is perfect. I was always so nervous because of it. This is good. It's simply showing disinterest by inaction. At first, I was confused because she never treated my like I meant anything to her. Which is where this gets weird. I've heard of avoidants "breadcrumbing", so I'm wondering if this may be what it is? I'm not sure how to respond but I'm leaning to ignoring it. From my experience, this mix of back and forth isn’t helpful in the long run… it seems like it could come across as you guys breadcrumbing each other. The whole time ex was contacting me the reason I take so long to reply to messages is because they give me anxiety and I have to psych myself into replying. And that keeps the other person on the hook. Met her online and really looking for a 3rd-person perspective on how to improve myself. So let’s jump in and learn how to clean up this proverbial mess known as breadcrumbing fallout. If an avoidant has moved on, and knows it’s over and the non-avoidant keeps trying to make things work it is exhausting, humiliating, depressing, confusing, etc. Now, it’s not so much about the relationship but rather helping the avoidant person feel in control. but in the case that they do, you might as well try. Frequently asking if they’re ok is seen as intrusive and annoying. But I really don’t think I should see that as a negative, I think the anxious can teach the avoidant how to be more present with their feelings and the avoidant can teach the anxious how to rely on themselves for comfort and not other people. Gaslighting, breadcrumbing, lying, secretive acting, it makes 1 crazy and it seems we all hit our point when it becomes unbearable. Hence, the main reason why he broke up with me—incompatibility. Depending what kind of relationship you had with them, it will reflect on how you treat those close to you as an adult. Probably chaotic and has had past traumas. I would say that these “breadcrumbers” have avoidant attachment styles. I cant believe ive reached 10 Months of NC , very proud of myself even tho my ex who left me for someone else has been attempting to contact me the last 2 months STAND YOUR GROUND DUMPEES AND MOVE FORWARD DONT LOOK BACK even if you havent moved on yet YOU WILL FEEL SO MUCH BETTER AS TIME PASSES ! Talked to therapist after to figure out what just happened and she said she has a fearful avoidant attachment style. He will do this again. Whenever I started distancing myself from him a little bit he would show me attention and care. And I was so stupid because I thought he is avoidant or something because at that time of no contact he still talked to me irl and did all the stuff above. They care about the person but are too deactivated to deal with the relationship. She’s done some hot-and-cold behaviors, once in a blue moon bringing the romance up again or perhaps breadcrumbing me. They don't tend to push pull. I am an autistic woman, and I am fairly avoidant myself, it is not like I don't understand what might be going on on the other side of that situation. The only difference was that we weren’t in therapy and I accepted being her fwb once in a while. The breadcrumbing I got was intense - "you're the best girlfriend I ever had", "I thought we would be together forever", you're a great person". however i’m also scared that he might be “breadcrumbing” me and i don’t want him to use my presence to get over me. But personally, I like to know the emotions of someone I care about but DAs show little interest in any of that. I learned about Attachment Theory and discovered i’m anxious and he’s an avoidant. it is unfair for her to just pop up in your life when she finds it convenient. That's gonna probably be way more accurate than people on Reddit. Showing more love and being more special is nice, but again what you consider love and specialness is different from an avoidant. Anxious attachers tend to self-blame and avoidant attachers tend to other-blame. " Non-avoidant participation is limited and enforced. So I think my (26m) ex (27f) has been breadcrumbing me. And I have an anxious attachment style. I feel like he was a lot less avoidant than me. Monkey branching, I believe, is where a person jumps from one person to another when things start to go wrong, so they just start jumping from one person to the next. 5 months NC with a meme. To an avoidant personality 30 days feels like 10 days. There's loads of posts on here asking when people finally get over a breakup and imo it's pretty much this point. It's like you knew exactly what happened. and it went pretty well and we talked about what we might have to do to heal correctly. That said, as you're not giving concrete examples, it's hard to tell if your date is stringing you along because they're just avoidant and irresponsible. Could be or maybe he's busy, who knows. Note: she no longer looks at my stories from what I've seen but I don't really bother to look anymore The avoidant sub is full of "My partner keeps smothering me" or "Why can't my AA girlfriend just leave me alone?" and even "I'm happier when I'm avoidant". In this case, I guess I’ve done this. stayed in touch with my ex who is diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder after the breakup. It’s really important to trace your behavior patterns back to the source, the memories and experiences that caused you to form them. If they lean avoidant, after a few weeks – or in the case of my ex, a few days – they typically start leaning very anxious and start chasing you again. I didnt realize my ex (adopted) was a fearful avoidant until after the love bombing followed by a weird out of the blue breakup. Opposite of Fearful avoidant is Dismissive avoidant, also in the disorganized attachment Is this what breadcrumbing is? I refuse to react, to respond in some way in the same fashion but a part of me wants to. Dated who I think was a "fearful" avoidant for 2 months (31F). Avoidants can have long relationships Knowing about avoidants helped me so much It has been far far better than any other way to look. and he answered :/ Some avoidant patterns can be hard to spot, I think dismissive avoidant patterns in particular, because of the specific triggering events and subdued/withdrawn nature of the response. They go numb and none of it matters. We are now private for 48 hours due to Reddit's actions against third party platforms and content… I don't think breadcrumbing is worse than ghosting. May 4, 2022 · “Those with avoidant or disorganized attachment are prone to a form of breadcrumbing, but theirs is generally viewed as less manipulative or intentional,” Harris explains. They avoid you, then you do NC, then they come back. It's a great way to learn and connect with eachother. Dated who I think was a "fearful" avoidant for 2 months. I just recently blocked my ex everywhere because he kept breadcrumbing me like as soon as I'd finally start to be okay. Now he reached out saying "I know I said I won't contact you again, but today I'm making an exception". Both would teach her about her avoidant attachment style, how trying to be in "control" in a relationship is a form of relationship-sabotage arising out of avoidant fears. Since that day, he still calls multiple times a day. The big difference between an avoidant ex breadcrumbing you and taking things slow is the incremental effort an avoidant ex makes to show you they still have feelings for you God. We triggered eachother hardcore. He reached out again after 1. Extremely, extremely traumatic. Let it go my friend. Attachment Theory helps you understand how your relationship was with your parents when you were a child. So this relationship has ended about 4 days ago, I am an anxious attachment style person and she is an avoidant, officially but she wanted to break up for about 10 days before that, the root of the problem is that she says she has "lost feelings" in the span of 2 days pretty much when I got all over her questioning her and calling her because she was unwell and we were supposed to go to a trip my FA ex is willing to keep our snapchat streak, and honestly i want him back. Then what it seems to be breadcrumbing started. With an avoidant, this is called deactivation. Part of me is happy he is reaching out but is it really worth it after how we ended things? Why would he reach out like this after he is the one who pulled away? after he is the one who had doubts? For a month we dated and he at least had the gall to end things early but it was the same behaviors. Avoidant ex has been breadcrumbing me with songs My ex gf and I broke up in May, we tried to remain friends until Mid-June when she randomly ghosted me. i am sorry she is struggling to just give a sincere apology especially when she knows she is in the wrong. The impact of breadcrumbing Breadcrumbing might seem like all fun and games, but it can be detrimental to the person on the receiving end (and it's often people with an anxious Posted by u/West_Specific7367 - 1 vote and no comments Breadcrumbing - what is it? I see references to the subject on this sub. Oct 11, 2022 · Breadcrumbing is the act of leading someone on without any clear plans to pursue a relationship. I have been broken up many, many times both ways. When really it’s more to do with the avoidant person than it is with us. On why you do this: according to attachment theory, this insecure dynamic suits your system and it feels familiar to you (we learn that in childhood). A trauma bond is any relationship scenario whereby one person is exercising an abuse of power over another, while often masking their unhealthy behaviours as love. all he said was that he did look forward to my texts sometimes. and this is before life gets tough no kids, struggle etc Oct 21, 2024 · Your attachment style can affect your behavior when it comes to breadcrumbing – in a study of a little under 750 adults between the ages of 18 and 40 in India and Spain, a correlation was shown between insecure attachment styles (anxious as well as avoidant) and engaging in breadcrumbing 1. This was the greatest mistake of my life and he stalled me for weeks. They just don’t express this or show any hints/signs of it due to their avoidant tendencies. Currently being breadcrumbed. BreakUps) submitted just now by Scary-Recording-943 My former boyfriend broke up with me after 10 months of dating because he had boiled up a lot of distrust towards me because he felt I had too many friends. Then he suddenly pulled away for months and I was left with no answers. Breadcrumbers use certain predictable methods and techniques, such as regularly canceling plans or It’s a viscous circle right now, and yes my needs are going the most unmet. He was slowly contacting me but at a very superficial level but still mildly breadcrumbing me with “i’ve been thinking about you a lot. A space for people who struggle with an anxious attachment style to learn more about it (so as to get on the path of healing), share experiences of their healing journey, find support while healing, and give tips and feedback for discovering healthier coping mechanisms, and overall feeling more secure within yourself (and with others). Making it yours will lead to unhealthy, enmeshed, codepenent relationship dynamics. The love and great experiences don’t impact the outcome. ' That's why you'll often see avoidant individuals in situationships and other maladaptive relationship dynamics. Breadcrumbing is just a way to keep you in the periphery but not cut you off totally in case they want you back. My confidence was crushed and I was let go from my job due to the anxiety it caused me. Many suggested that my ex is breadcrumbing at me and that I should block him and call him out for that. GameStop Moderna Pfizer Johnson & Johnson AstraZeneca Walgreens Best Buy Novavax SpaceX Tesla. This includes those a) agreement to enter into some kind of therapy or relationship coaching. Please review the subreddit rules prior to participating to ensure this subreddit remains on topic. Stress makes me more avoidant. Breadcrumbing - I became addicted to my text messages. com 4 days ago · Need advice / opinions on my avoidant ex of 10months (self. I was dumped by an avoidant around the same time (~5-6 months ago). Typical crash and burn scenario (anxious-avoidant trap). There will be no exchange worthwhile for you. But there is this saying about avoidants that they love their "win a person back game" when they lost you. I feel like if she wants another chance she has to prove to me that she can break the typical avoidant behavior of suppressing her emotions and not communicating. I'm still in therapy. He had had a long term relationship before that. I backed off to give him space. The problem in breaking up with an FA is that they flip on you afterward. Reply Is she breadcrumbing me by watching my stories? my ex has been watching my stories on Instagram after she unblocked me. I know it's hard when you still love them. I took me 2 years and half to move on from a fearful avoidant woman. I took this as a sign that I should stop contacting her, so I mustered the courage to stop contacting and try to let go. believe me , they can get soo much more cruel. Work on yourself and allow them to miss you until they reach out etc. I’m fa but lean anxious with my DA. should i respond or leave it be? also why did he start posting more often, is he trying to Oct 25, 2023 · "An attitude of aloof superiority can often be evident in those with a dismissive-avoidant style," she explains—and that can definitely look like breadcrumbing. Finally, he broke up with me a 4th time and I said you’re right. Is this "breadcrumbing" and I am "right" to move on? I notice post hookup (sourced via apps, parties / in person or otherwise), a decent number will message (not immediately) after some time to meet up again. The differences in terms of conflict resolution seemed to have burned him out emotionally. I found out he was still on Tinder talking to girls after 2 months of pretty serious dating (introducing me to all friends, bringing me to work events as his date, sleeping at each other’s houses on work nights, etc. It’s about their fears and feelings. She’s breadcrumbing u my man/ rn she’s lonely and seeking attention/ I feel like the moment someone peaks her interest she will bounce again , it’s all up to u- either u out a stop to it - or call her out of it and end this games . I had a bad, toxic first relationship at the great age of 18. Yes this is the hallmark of dismissive avoidant attachment. They came thick and they were persistent. This. In my experience, men breadcrumbing looks different than how women do it, but it’s still breadcrumbing. You could do "everything right" and with an avoidant, who is still working on their attachment issues, it still wouldn't be enough (or in their case too much). seems like she has some issues letting go of her ego. I apologized a ton but she said she just didn’t have the mental energy for a relationship anymore with how busy she had gotten in life. Otherwise, great people. If you are on the anxious side, I think you are setting yourself up for a failure dating long-distance. Oh how wrong I was! He would also blow my phone then suddenly pull away. Being initially all flirty and fun and then slowly dropping off the face of the earth. Her man was an avoidant and she was quite frustrated with the lack of depth she was getting from him. You just described what happened to me so well. Avoidant, I believe, is what it implies. I can handle that. Breadcrumbing gives people false hope and plays with their feelings. He might come back when he feels better, but this is not sustainable. the more they go away, like the 2 magnets analogy. See full list on psychmechanics. Even the part of lying about wanting a break on dating and then jumping onto dating apps. Relationship was only 8 months. Over time, as our connection grew, I felt like she assigned me the role of an emotional boyfriend (without her boyfriend knowing), which I think she felt a bit guilty about. That’s kinda the theory of NC in terms of a strategy to get an ex back. Although many of my complaints were valid, I didn’t express them well particularly to someone who took it as a personal attack and another reason they weren’t good enough … fears of abandonment (which I didn’t even know existed since he was always abandoning me) leading to shut downs. I dated a FA and the mixed messages were a real problem for me. Place for people to discuss Avoidant Personality Disorder. Jul 18, 2023 · What Is Breadcrumbing? Breadcrumbing (also known as “Hansel and Gretelling”) is a slang term that describes a behavior pattern in dating and relationships where someone interacts just enough to keep you interested. It's not worth it. I have been working on myself so I dont build things up and have a reaction. I am not avoidant but my ex is. I'm done. and he didn’t give me a straight answer. I was with s classic avoidant for 8 years. But this is never with any intention. both of us deserve better than what they're offering us What is breadcrumbing? As you could probably guess, breadcrumbing isn’t a real diagnosis. Please respect our space Posted by u/[Deleted Account] - 197 votes and 18 comments It could be to alleviate guilt or get their anxiety fix which is where the term breadcrumbing comes from. I need to put myself first. Ghosting is not. He freaked out. No couple is seamless. Discussion can be about personal stories, treatment ideas, support for yourself or others, and ideas with how to deal with your own problems dealing with AvPD (not to be confused with Avoidant Attachment!) She came back 4 mo later and guess what she was still avoidant af. He liked breadcrumbing (ie texting, occasional dates) because it made him feel like he was in a relationship and getting/giving some attention but had a hard time with in-person intimacy. Every one of them was complimentary and a profession of undying love. When their fears gets activated their feelings reduce when they have had enough time to self soothe them often return as their fears have gone down and their feelings return. In the moment they feel nice but you NEED to stay strong and recognize it's cheap talk and empty platitudes. Bad childhood. It was kind of going that route anyway. We tried counselling a year ago to learn strategies for our (quite incompatible) conflict behavior (I'm anxiously attached, he's avoidant), but we were always struggling with conflicts nonetheless. Business, Economics, and Finance. You should probably just take a test though, and watch a video explaining how to tell if you have it. Ex is breadcrumbing me 😔😮‍💨 It's been just over a month since my ex (24, male) broke up with me. and as much as I wanna be there if he ever does reach out, my peace is way more important. ” I disagree with this one. So what are avoidant people supposed to do? Be the cold people we’re blamed for being anyway? He was very cold during the breakup but did say 4-5x, "maybe in the future", "taking space right now", etc kind of breadcrumbing comments. Absolute traumatic experience and I've had multiple relationships before. that is very confusing that she keeps coming back and disappearing again. Crypto Aug 25, 2024 · An avoidant sees conflict as a confirmation of fears they have. Members Online Hi 🤗 i opened a new subreddit for Cptsd Hebrew speakers. When I cut off with a fearful avoidant person, she told me “you were special to me” in her very last goodbye message. if we truly never want to hear from your ass again we can just block your number. But that he doesn’t have to figure it out anytime soon. You can either be there when the person texts you sporadically or suddenly has time to make plans or you can say "nah, I have expectations and boundaries and they aren't being met so I'm gonna peace the fuck out. Could be an avoidant type. It’s gaslighting at its finest. you should maybe try to cut her off if she tries to contact you again. I’m glad you can relate. to me, with people that aren't avoidant-dismissive, relating to them seems like it so all or nothing compared to how i prefer to relate to Avoidant individuals feel free to pursue someone until that person clearly returns their feelings, it is only then their intimacy fears begin to trigger and they start to feel 'trapped. Is this some sort of breadcrumbing? My social media is quite open especially with me building my brand and business. " Also known as Anxious Avoidant or Disorganized attachment. They woild have to define what putting in the work means. Avoidants aren't bad people and neither Push/pull. Why would you put up with someone who isn't fulfilling your needs while also causing you tons of anxiety? The start of my journey towards becoming secure was breaking up with an Avoidant because I finally realized I deserved to be treated better. That song choice tells me he sees nothing wrong with withdrawing and breadcrumbing me. He said that if I had realized sooner that I still had feelings for him, that he "might have considered maybe give us a second chance," but that I had taken too long. Sadly I am in a similar boat. May 11, 2022 · Breadcrumbing means stringing someone along by giving them only the smallest bits of attention. doesn’t make it fair on the rest of us though. This guy broke my heart by breaking up with me about 3 times within two years. I've been asking for my needs more often and gotten better at upholdi This thread has been linked to from elsewhere on reddit. he left me blindsided and was very cruel the entire time. A safe-space subreddit for those with the disorganized attachment style, also known as fearful avoidant or anxious-avoidant. then later that night i text him (ik bad choice). I agree breadcrumbing is worse than ghosting because it's abusive. Texting from an avoidant is honestly reallllllyy uncommon. The initial chemistry, the poor mental state, the ghosting, breadcrumbing and gaslighting. Avoidants are usually distant and come off cold. A fearful avoidant likes a lot of communication. Wants you back because of fear of loss, but fear of engulfment so then needs time and a break. They paint beautiful pictures with their words but deliver very little and the more you push. In fact, it’s But I also agree with the others in this discussion that the term "breadcrumbing" is kind of bullshit and I suspect that it is very common in the anxious-avoidant trap, were the avoidant "breadcrumbs" and ends up triggering the anxiously attached person that tends to be very needy, validation seeking and depends heavily on their partner or I can understand some of their tendencies being avoidant myself. Also, I'd say that abusive (romantic) relationship can prime you to be more avoidant in future relationships or to be seen as more avoidant (for example: entering next relationship more slowly, be more cautious etc. In context I believe I know what it is. Cause one day it will all end and u might start spiralling / The reason many people mistake an avoidant partner with a narcissistic one is because the patterns look similar. I’m guessing breadcrumbing basically means stringing someone along. Like I said, block and delete her number. so my ex and i talked in person a couple of days ago. Meaning that they feel uncomfortable with intimacy and withdraw when they feel like you are becoming too “clingy or needy” and thus impinging on their “independence”. i decided to chose me and went NC/ blocked out of the blue on everything on friday. Episodes of emotional manipulation can lead to a cycle of rumination and self-blame. I mean, just look at the comments on this post! And it makes sense. Yep. Avoidants love the unintentional 'love bombing' in the beginning of the relationship from the anxiously attached partner because they don't have to actually make I’m anxious mixed with a substantial dose of fearful avoidant, and my most recent ex was avoidant. She already sees a therapist but I have a strong feeling she is unaware of attachment styles. We have a mutual event coming up and I hoped to be on cordial terms, so I decided to respond. Unfortunately your view of toxic anxiousness is totally different from an avoidant. i’m scared that if i don’t respond it’ll trigger his avoidant side and he’ll never reach out. It's bad. so yeah. In September, another stupid miscommunication got out of hand and ended up in a fight at the end of which my boyfriend said he wasn't sure he could My fault is I am an avoidant as he is. She was always extremely avoidant whenever anything minor would come up. The love bombing, distancing, discard and then breadcrumbing is BRUTAL. Was single and working on myself for 5 years (33M). Makes you doubt your experience. The big difference between an avoidant ex breadcrumbing you and taking things slow is the incremental effort an avoidant ex makes to show you they still have feelings for you Dec 16, 2024 · It can take the form of “breadcrumbing” or “benching” a partner. With breadcrumbing you have at least some say. ----------------------- The style of connecting/attaching with other people is a direct reflection of our earliest experiences with our caregivers, as well as other influential relationships in our life. Jul 3, 2023 · And when I was given the chance to write this article on how to respond to breadcrumbing… I jumped at the chance. It usually just means that they are seeing if they are still your weakness because let's be honest if you truly wanted someone a hey message or I miss you message isn't screaming a future with someone . In my mind, true breadcrumbing is when someone leads you to believe they want a relationship with you but their actions don't match their words. Breadcrumbing from most people is just them checking in to see if you respond that if they wanted to they could have you. I responded courteously to the first two (emergencies in her view…they weren’t really) but the third was a stretch so I finally said “hey, I appreciate your reaching out, and how you’ve needed It sucks there are toxic exes out there. They don't even do it on purpose, but it might be a pattern for some. It's basically selfishness. It really sucks :( and especially as an AP, it's very activating. He never really gave a definitive answer, always stalled me by breadcrumbing like “I don’t want to let you go so easily but I’m not ready to see you, I want to see you and talk things through blabla”. Other attachment styles are also welcome and encouraged. My ex was a bit of both and it stems from childhood trauma etc. 44 votes, 103 comments. Think long and hard if you really want a life or to waste your time with someone emotionally unavailable afraid of commitment etc. ” Ugh I absolutely see how that’s the case in my situation, since he is more of an avoidant person while I am anxious. They’re either scared to get too close in case they get hurt, or they think they’ll lose their hard-won freedom and independence if they let someone And it sounds serious, not like breadcrumbing (we are the experts on breadcrumbing now on this subreddit, aren't we?). LDR is perfect for avoidant people who get to experience the initial rush of emotions for a prolonged time without the annoyance of being in a "real" relationship. Our members listen, support, and encourage each other on their path to independence. ) honestly sometimes they probably never want to be contacted again. It’s mind boggling. I've been accused of breadcrumbing by an ex once, who broke up with me to chase another woman. So in short, i don't think we do this typically. After all, breadcrumbing doesn't sound good on a paper, so I can only imagine how being on the receiving end must feel. I really think in a lot of these scenarios the fearful avoidant just causes unnecessary pain and (at least) borders on abusive behavior, but I understand it is much harder to deal with that when you are married to the person. xigjlqy ioueg kgzqkeb djxhrse hbiyy nbsrj ukxhrzz uoot rtfc tnt